Some people dedicate their entire lives to one craft. How nice must that be. The sense of belonging, purpose, knowing exactly what you are here to do.

I used to believe that was not me. But it just took me a bit longer to find that sense for myself.

I had to broaden the scope of my search.

The long dark search for… community?

I have tried so many different hobbies, activities, and different communities.

As a child, I didn’t worry so much about finding “my tribe”. I knew what I wanted and I didn’t have to define myself according to the boxes people presented to me.

Somewhere along the way, though, I agreed to this idea that I need to find “who” or “what I am” and “which group I fit in”. Teenage years, amirite?

I got into classical music. I also got into astrology. For a while, I got into goth music and movies. I joined the poetry club. Logic and philosophy. Along came theatre. I started teaching piano. I was a member of Mensa for a year. I got into linguistics and learning languages. Then radical feminism. Herbalism and tarot. I went to a few cacao and women’s circles. I got into GNM. A bit of UX design. And so on.

All along, I kept asking myself, Is this it? Is this ME? Is this where I belong? Is this where I can find “my people”? Is this what I’m supposed to be doing?

In fact, for a while, I thought maybe I was one of those people who are just meant to try different things again and again. Is this it? Is this me? Have I finally found the words to capture my being? Funnily enough, that was just another instance of me trying to define myself.

But it makes sense because for a long time, it really seemed like I was a perpetually wandering soul. That I haven’t felt grounded because I could not be grounded, and that in searching for “my tribe”, I have been looking for something nonexistent.

It’s not true though.

The thing I didn’t know was that I wasn’t supposed to search for my community.

I was supposed to create it.

Wtf does that mean

I’m not talking about “building a community” in marketing terms, like you will often hear on social media and other online spaces.1

I am talking about an actual community of “your people”. People with whom you share something that makes you feel deeply connected to them. It’s really more about an internal sense of belonging than anything else.

I am talking about bringing the responsibility to myself and recognizing:

• what it is that makes me feel connected to someone else, and
• who are the (individual) people I value and want to be connected to.

That’s it, that’s my tribe.

It’s also why “my community” will never be a specific group of people I could describe with external, objectifiable, measurable traits.

My community is going to be dispersed all over the world. All over different areas of life. My community consists of people with whom I feel I share something, like some curiosity about life, art, writing, personal development, spirituality, values, or beliefs.

I might find these people in vintage clothing stores or natural living workshops. I might find them in creative writing groups, rock concerts, or classical music events. They (you) might be anywhere.

Because it’s not about the thing.

It’s about the individual person with whom I share a connection.

It’s about the approach to the thing, perspective, values, frequency, flavour, who knows what.

It’s a feeling.

The more I tune into that awareness, the more I realise this is how I create my community. Not by forcing a label onto it but by honouring my own intuitive sense when connecting with people.

I won’t find my community in a hobby or an association or a spiritual group or a political movement. I will find them scattered around everywhere. And I will enjoy finding them all around the place.

Because that’s how I’ve met some of the most incredible people. That’s also how I know many of you. Not via one specific channel but from all sorts of different waters into which I have dipped my toes. Pretty crazy.

Life, eh?

Until next time,

Katja

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